did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
