i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
