She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
