I skipped work to stalk him.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
