we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
