I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
