your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
