I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
