I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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