he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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