Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
