Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
