ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
