I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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