Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
