I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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