He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
