Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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