Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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