Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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