It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
