Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
