we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
