your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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