the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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