you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
