I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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