I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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