My nipple is on Facebook.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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