it hurts more in the daytime
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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