i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
