his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
