Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
