my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
