are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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