i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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