using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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