you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
