I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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