I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
