Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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