maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
