also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
