Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
BRING THE BAGELS
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
