eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
