I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
