My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
