I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Randomize
