so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
