I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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